Bad Day aka the crackyest Harry Potter Fic ever
by mysinfulamadeo
Summary: Heehee. Sometimes you just have one of those days, you know?


A/N: I try to adhere to all of J.K. Rowling's work, except of course for that annoying bit where she kills off one on the best characters. Remus Lupin (in all his sexy bookish mentor-ness) is my favorite character after all, and the thought of him leading a celibate life makes me wibble. Besides, no other character has anatomy compatible with that of a werewolf...think of poor Moony!  
P.S. The alliteration in the first sentence is intended all the rest of it...well all I can say is please forgive me, it seems to pop up at random times.

Today was not Harry Potter's day.

Our stunningly sexy yet slightly rumpled hero had woken that morning with a crick in his neck, a pounding head, and vague recollections of dreams he felt certain he was better off not remembering. He put on his glasses and stumbled from bed, deciding that a visit to his godfather's rooms was the perfect cure for his melancholy mood. As he pattered down the hall, Harry noticed the eerie silence around the house and suddenly realized that Sirius may be sleeping in. Cautiously, he knocked on the door and after his third unsuccessful try he cracked the door just enough to peek in. Sirius wasn't inside, and seeing the made bed Harry decided that could only mean three things. 1) Voldermort had attacked during the night and bypassed Harry's room completely to go after Sirius Black (The idea almost made Harry laugh), 2)Sirius had spent the night as padfoot and had fallen asleep on the couch (Also unlikely since padfoot woke early and always made a racket that could easily rival peeves or the Weasley's attic ghost), or 3)Remus had taken over the duties of they're dearly departed (this time Harry did snort) house-elf Kreacher who padfoot had used as a chew toy after the Ministry fiasco. Given Sirius' loathing of all domestic work, and Mssr. Moony's inability to tell Msr. Padfoot no, this seemed like the best bet. Remus, that was it. Harry would kill a little time talking in Remus' room until Sirius demanded breakfast, and with any luck he might find Sirius lazing about in there as well.

Trotting quickly up the stairs, Harry strode determinedly towards Remus' rooms. Remus only slept in after the full moon, currently two weeks away, and had no doubt been awake for hours already. Because of this, Harry did not take the same precautions he had with Padfoot's room, and simply threw the door wide open to step in. This, it happened, turned out to be the worst mistake of Harry's young life. Forget talking back to the diary forget looking in Snape's pensieve, this was SO much worse. There was Remus Lupin, former Defense teacher and all around gentle man balls deep inside Sirius Black, who was currently bent over double on his hands and knees, but that wasn't the worst of it. Now that the door was open the silencing charm was broken, and Harry heard every sound. He watched in horror as Remus thrust particularly hard once, delivered a sharp smack to Sirius posterior, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Bad dogs deserve spankings yes they do…who's my bad doggie, who's my bad doggie". That spurred our hero to action, and Harry slammed the door shut. Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes and tried desperately to think of anything except the sounds coming from the other side or the thousands in gallons he would have to pay for therapy.

Harry hurried back down the stairs with a little less bounce that he had coming up, and decided that while he detested muggle coffee, a shot of caffeine might be good for him about now. He walked through the door and past the table nodding but not really looking at its occupants. Suddenly, his head whipped around. There was Mrs. Weasley naked as the day she way born, spread across the table like a Christmas feast. One hand wrapped around braids of violet hair, and the other in a mop of brown frizz, quickly giving away the identity of her two companions, also in various degrees of undress. "Mrs. Weasley?" Harry ventured weakly. "Oh Harry dear, did you need something?" she asked giving Harry a warm motherly smile, quickly replaced by a lusty glazed look as the bushy head between her knees changed angles. It took all Harry's legendary will power and determination not to vomit right then and there. "Where is Mr. Weasley?" Yes, that was the key casually remind that she's straight and married, it's an easy thing to forget, they only have seven children after all. "In the library I believe dear". Harry bolted from the room without sparing the now ruined table another look.

Firmly resolved to tell Mr. Weasley of his wife's actions, or at the very least suggest he take a trip to the kitchen, Harry walked in the library. There he found Mr. Weasley and every other male member of his family catcalling and applauding as Professor Snape, greasy and ugly as ever gave Charlie a lap dance in nothing but tiny pink frilly knickers. He saw Fred, or was it George lean over to give Ron a kiss full on the mouth, complete with visible tongues and everything. This time Harry didn't even try to think of a response, he simply walked over to the liquor cabinet grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey and walked back up to his room.

Harry pouted petulantly and stared sadly at the bottom of his now empty bottle. Today was just not Harry Potter's day.


End file.
